Where You At, Desmondo?

Desmondo Greatness Index: Elvis Presley

2010-03-24T12:59:00.008-05:00

The man, the myth, the jumpsuit.

ENTERTAINER
He's the original, most recognizable, and most successful rock star in the genre's 60-year (approx.) history. He brought the genre to the masses. He's one of those first-name-is-all-you-need-to-say types. He apparently has sold over a billion records worldwide. At first sight, I figured that had to be wrong, but it seems to be accurate, I guess. And that number is astonishing. He's hundreds of millions ahead of The Beatles, who are hundreds of millions ahead of anybody else.

At age 18, he caught the eye of Sam Phillips, owner of Sun Records. Some things are just universal, and here is one of those things: white people love black people music, but not until after it's presented by another white person (see: Ice, Vanilla - the first rap single to go Billboard #1). And for rock 'n roll, that white person was Elvis. He blended all the rootsy genres of both races: R&B, Soul, Blues, Country, Rockabilly, and more. Cha-ching! National sensation by age 21. He'd go on to have some ridiculous number of number one records and singles that I don't care to count.

His live persona was certainly captivating. He was, of course, highly rebellious, sexually suggestive, and controversial at the time, though today he'd be tamer than Hannah Montana. All his mannerisms are so well-known they've become cliche. Elvis impersonation is a national pastime (searched YouTube for "Elvis impersonator"...6,180 results). Who doesn't recognize phrase "Elvis has left the building"?
I've seen a handful of his later Vegas era live performances on video. I'd describe him as "charmingly hokey". I mean this in a good way.

He crossed over into movie stardom with combined success and staying power only topped by musical titans Big Willie Style and Marky Mark. He starred in about 30 films throughout his career. Contrary to what Turner Classic Movies marathons would have you believe, these are not good movies. But the studios kept making them, so I guess that says something. I personally have more admiration for the acting chops of Tom Waits, Dwight Yoakam, Ludacris, Ice Cube, Sting, Queen Latifah, David Bowie...pretty much every music-to-film crossover except Prince. Let it be acknowledged, though, that Elvis has had quite the lasting presence on celluloid.

Aloha from Hawaii in 1973
was the first live concert broadcast via global satellite feed. Much of the world saw it live and some on tape delay later that day, but for whatever reason it didn't air in the continental USA for another four months. Apparently, in all, it was seen by somewhere between 1-1.5 billion viewers, which makes me chuckle for two reasons. First, that number is just absurd. The world population was under 4 billion in 1973. Somewhere between 25-37% of the entire world watched this concert?? And second, the source for the estimate has a 20%, or 500 million person, margin of error. Funny. That, plus finding no verifiable methods of measuring viewership, leaves me with serious doubts about the veracity of this number.

Elvis was also an originator of the now rampant practice of rock stars and pro athletes letting a posse of worthless friends suck off their success like leeches. His was called the Memphis Mafia. I suppose his generosity is partly to blame for many modern atrocities, including Antoine Walker's bankruptcy (how to lose $112 million: 70 dependants. 70!) and Entourage.

He definitely had his personal issues and I feel a little guilty about not deducting for them as I did with Michael Jackson, though MJ's are a good bit more disturbing. Some Elvis examples: He and his momma apparently baby-talked to each other, even in his adulthood. That's pretty weird. He met and first started courting his future ex-wife Priscilla when he was 24 and she was only 14, though he didn't marry her until seven years later.
Their daughter even married MJ, but the negative impact of this is whitewashed by Priscilla's involvement in the Naked Gun trilogy. If MJ's legacy persists over the next 30 years in the way that Elvis's has, maybe I will revisit these posts in 2040 and give Michael his point back.

10.0

SINGER
He's a vocal chameleon who could assume most any style convincingly, yet certainly had his own distinct sound. His range is very wide and his tone quality is first-rate. He is very sensitive to dynamics, often using volume and stylistic contrasts. He employs the whispering, the guttural, the quivering, the mumbling, the screaming, the howling, among other natural effects.

He almost always sings his parts purely (plus a little tremolo). He respects the songs enough to deem their melodies more important than his vocal showcasing, unlike most modern day singers polluted by the trill-happy showboaty influence of Mariah Carey and American Idol and others. I don't think that vocal acrobatic displays are totally unwarranted, but it's b.s. to excuse them as just being "soulful". Because trying to show people how awesome you are is not "soulful". That is not genuine, unless you want to be perceived as a genuine narcissist. Sing the damn song. Think about the lyrics you're singing before you go off on some wobbly adventure that will probably have painful pitch problems, all the while making no sense in relation to the words. You have to save up those busy excess vocal runs, so that a) they don't annoy everybody, and b) they retain some dramatic effect. That is your angry tangent and vocal lesson for the day, from me...the guy who can't sing.

Bringing it back to Elvis,
he definitely understood this, but I wouldn't commend too much him for it because it was the norm back in his day to sing straight melodies.

9.0

SONGWRITER
His name appears in the credits as a co-writer for nine of his songs, but he actually had nothing to do with the writing. It was just standard swindling on the part of manager Colonel Tom Parker, a guy who, towards the end of Elvis's career/life, was taking 50% of Presley's earnings, plus all the merchandising revenues. He was making more money than his superstar. He extorted some songwriters by giving them two options: a) give Elvis partial writing credit, he'll sing your song, and you'll make good money; or b) keep all the credit, he won't sing your song, and you'll make no money. Half-point for retaining the services of a slick negotiating manager.

0.5

INSTRUMENTALIST
He played guitar on the early Sun Sessions recordings, and frequently held one live though I'm not convinced he used it much. I'm also not convinced he can play B minor. I found this quote by Scotty Moore (Elvis's first lead guitarist) from an interview about 4 years ago. I would copy and paste it, but at the bottom of the web page it says "Do not re-publish this interview" and I am new to this blogging thing and I don't know if that's okay or not. So I'll play it safe and tell you that he was asked to evaluate Elvis's guitar ability, and the gist of the answer was: just okay; he had good rhythm but didn't know many chords. Also, he apparently could play "some" bass and drums, but who can't?

3.0

WEIGHTED MUSICAL OUTPUT
One thing I really appreciate about Elvis's catalog is that the songs rarely go past the 2:30 mark. Now, I can be an advocate of the ridiculously long songs, too ("Supper's Ready" by Genesis, over 22 minutes long, is one of my Top 2%ers). But Elvis's sound and subject matter aren't asking to be epic. He's not singing about the end of the world or an acid trip or a sci-fi saga, and he's not on a jazz exploration. He's the King of Rock 'n Roll. His songs should be short and sweet.

Side note: "Jailhouse Rock" has to be the most openly gay song ever recorded, not counting the Village People. "Shifty Henry said to Bugs, 'For heaven's sake/No one's looking now's our chance to make a break'/Bugs turned to Shifty and he said, 'Nix nix/I want to stick around a while and get my kicks'." I mean, it's just loaded with homoeroticism. "Number 47 said to Number 3/You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see." Where exactly would I find a coed prison? "Little Joe was blowin on the slide trombone." OH, COME ON! Was that totally overlooked in 1957?

Top 2%ers
None that he recorded himself, but the Dwight Yoakam cover of "Suspicious Minds", from the Honeymoon in Vegas soundtrack, is on the list. It's a thing of brilliance. His hillbilly rock voice is an excellent vessel for interpreting Elvis. The cover boosts the tempo and alters the drums for a feel that's bullet train instead of horse carriage, omits the nonsensical fadeout fakeout, remains faithful to the soulful BGVs, adds a sweet staccato string section in the waltz break, and showcases one of the most awesome guitar riffs ever recorded, a part that fits so perfectly I can't listen to the Elvis version without sorely missing it. Here, my 5 favorite cover tunes that supersede the original version (provided the cover artist, original version, and original artist are all at least quasi-famous):

5. "With A Little Help From My Friends" - Joe Cocker, originally by The Beatles
4. "Hallelujah" - Jeff Buckley, originally Leonard Cohen (it would be higher if Buckley had preserved the last verse)
3. "Somewhere" - Tom Waits, originally from West Side Story
2. "Suspicious Minds" - Dwight Yoakam, originally Elvis Presley
1. "Hurt" - Johnny Cash, originally Nine Inch Nails

Worst Offenses
I am probably most offended by Elvis when I flip on Turner Classic Movies, hoping to see a spaghetti western or a Hitchcock thriller or a detective noir, and instead I get Viva Las Vegas.

Also...the most successful musician of all time died of a pill overdose on the toilet. This is sad, not offensive, but I've got to mention it somewhere. I feel like Elvis probably identified strongly with the Book of Ecclesiastes in his final days (or years).

One-Disc Wonder?
I'd have to say yes, but ignorantly. He recorded and released too much music to keep up with. I can't say I've heard it all, nor do I have any intention of exploring it all. But I know the hits and then some, and from that I can't say I need more than 80 minutes to sum up Elvis's musical contribution.

5.5

DGI SCORE: 5.6

Desmondo Greatness Index: Chris Gaines

2010-02-20T10:24:00.020-06:00

Giving country music a fair shake in this competition, I'll profile its biggest star.

ENTERTAINER
Chris Gaines became an instant country star with a 1989 debut album, released under an alias, that was huge within country music but also made an impact on the pop album charts. His follow-up, No Fences, sold 17 million copies. His third, Ropin' the Wind, became the first country album to reach #1 on the Billboard pop charts. He would repeat this feat six more times (including live and hits packages) en route to selling over 125 million records, which makes him either the top or second-highest selling solo artist ever domestically (whether it's him or Elvis depends on the source). He's responsible for six of the top ten best-selling country albums all-time. Undoubtedly the biggest country star ever.

His live performance was a paradigm shift for a country star in that it was mostly presented like a rock show. Big lights and effects, and running around all over the stage, and wearing that headset mic, and zip-lining down from the rafters, if I remember 1992 correctly. That's when I saw him live, and it was the total antithesis of my only other concert experiences up to that point: Joe Scruggs and George Strait.

In 1999, he planned to reveal his true identity to the world via a biographical movie. In anticipation of this, he released his greatest hits package, The Life of Chris Gaines, and performed as himself on SNL while hosting the show as his comedian alter ego, Garth Brooks. The whole "real identity" thing ended up a disaster, if selling 2 million albums can be called a disaster, and the movie idea was scrapped. Ego bruised, he announced his initial retirement the next year, and hasn't made a whole lot of splash in the last ten years.

He's resurfaced a few times in the 2000's, releasing a few new hits packages with some previously unreleased material. Notably, he broke new ground again by becoming the first artist to sign an exclusive retail distribution deal (with Wal-Mart) and starting that recent trend. He kinda-re-unretired again to begin a run of solo shows at the Wynn Las Vegas. I read a review of the show, and it actually sounds awesome. It's only a 1500 seat theater with and the show is just him, guitar and stool. And he frequently ad libs and takes requests, which are easy ways to win me over. I dig musical spontaneity. He also plays covers of the bands who had a strong influence on him, mostly folk and rock artists from the 70s. Surprisingly(?), this is a show I'd be anxious to see the next time I go to Vegas.

The biggest knock on him here is that his reign at the top was only about a decade, much shorter than most of the names I will cover in this series. This is partly because, at age 48, he's the youngest of any candidate I plan to profile. He probably has at least two big comeback albums left in him if he wants to do it. In the meantime, though, I dock him a little bit for having a shorter span of impact.

8.0

SINGER
Obviously a good fit for the country genre. Lays the drawl on pretty thick but naturally. His voice sounds the exact same live as it does on recordings, something most singers fail to achieve. There's nothing utterly spectacular, influential, or noteworthy about the way he sings, (but he does sing well) but he does sing well. (You don't really know what you're talking about here.) I don't really know what I'm talking about here. (He probably deserves a nice score.) He probably deserves a nice score. (These aren't the droids you're looking for.) These aren't the droids we're looking for. (Move along.) Move along...

6.5

SONGWRITER
He's responsible for co-writing on about 50-60% of all his tunes. Including many of the big hits. Curiously, he had no part in the writing on his instant classic Life of Chris Gaines album. This output would be a 9.0 if compared only against country star acts, but in this case...

3.5

INSTRUMENTALIST
I only know of his ability to play acoustic guitar, and also piano if I am to believe the "Red Strokes" music video. It's possible or likely that he rarely recorded his guitar parts on albums, and I don't blame him. He had the best players in the world at his disposal. He accompanies himself well live. You have to be a comfortable and skilled guitarist to play live solo shows every night with ad-libbed setlists to intimate audiences who pay $100 per ticket. "Friends in Low Places" has a diminished chord, and he can play it, so that places him a cut above approximately 80% of all country acts. You know, the ones who hold the guitar while they sing and occasionally tap it, and then give it two strums when it's time to play G major. Extra half-point for the diminished chord.

4.5

WEIGHTED MUSICAL OUTPUT
"Right Now" from The Life of Chris Gaines is a groundbreaking piece of work. It begins with a quietly approaching drum loop. Enter acoustic guitar muted pattern. A voice, just off in the distance, ad libs some "aaayaaayaas", soulfully. Then: the unexpected. Gaines comes in vocally, but speaking in normal voice. No singing! He thoughtfully considers probable areas of social decay. "Maybe it's the movies, maybe it's the books/Maybe it's the government and all the other crooks." Biting cultural commentary! The verse maintains its mysterious push. Where are we going? BOOM. The chorus breaks out. It is full band, with Gaines belting in all his glory: "Come on people now, smile for your brother/Everybody get together, try to love one another right now." The chorus is actually borrowed from a 1964 song called "Let's Get Together", a revolutionary technique known as "sampling". Gaines returns to the quieter form of the verse, now peppered with ethereal background instruments. "Okay, maybe it's the papers, maybe it's the family/Maybe it's the internet, radio, TV/Maybe it's the president, maybe it's the last one/Maybe it's the one before that." He is still using speaking voice rather than singing, yet another revolutionary technique (this was 1999, people!). The song again breaks into its familiar chorus. It is now clearly a plea: work for peace, make love not war, we all have a choice. Another soft verse, followed by two more choruses, the urgency in Gaines effectively doubled. And finally, a last verse. He saves his most controversial thoughts for the finale. "Maybe it's fashion, maybe it's a trend/Maybe it's the future"...a pause...the band disappears...Gaines hauntingly croons..."Maybe iiiiiiiit's the eeeeeeeeeeeeeend." Chill bumps.

Top 2%ers
None, for the first time so far (but not the last).

Worst Offenses
I'm going with "American Honky Tonk Bar Association". Typically bad country pun.

One-Disc Wonder?
Yes. I don't have any Gaines in my iTunes library, but I wouldn't be opposed to some if I didn't have to pay for it. It's a pretty small list. I'll just make it up right here. Mind you, the appeal of this list is somewhere between 5% and 99% nostalgia:

"Not Counting You", "The Dance", "Friends in Low Places", "Rodeo", "Papa Loved Mama", "Shameless", "The River", "Somewhere Other than the Night", "Standing Outside the Fire" music video, "Wrapped Up in You".

There you go. Chris Gaines' Ten Greatest Hits: The Desmondo Collection. About 37 minutes of material there.

3.5

DGI SCORE: 5.2

Desmondo Greatness Index: Pete Townshend

2010-02-08T13:50:00.034-06:00

Guitarist, songwriter, and heartbeat of one of the most legendary bands ever, The Who. Townshend is unique among all the contenders in that he wasn't the lead singer of his act. Because of this, I'm going to put a limiting coefficient of .7825 on his scores. Ha, no, not really, there are limits to my nerdiness, but I will unscientifically factor it into his grades. He isn't going to get one of the highest scores, but in the wake of their Super Bowl halftime performance, I thought it would be prudent to include him in the discussion.

ENTERTAINER
The Who have sold an estimated 100 million albums in their career. They emerged in the Brit Invasion of the mid-60's with great singles like "I Can't Explain" and "My Generation". They never saw much success on the singles charts in America, but their albums were consistently in the Top 10. Among the most notable are Who's Next, Live at Leeds, and the rock operas Tommy and Quadrophenia. Their contributions have been numerous, their influence widespread. If there was a Mt. Rushmore of classic rock bands, they'd be on it.

Townshend, foundation of The Who from the onset, is one of the most iconic figures in rock and roll. A first-generation rock guitar hero who set himself apart by being the anti-virtuoso (more on that in the instrumental section). His live presence is spectacular. He rarely takes lead singing duties, but is visual epicenter of the show anyway. He's always doing something, whether it's walking, jumping, dancing, posing, or rocking out. He's got his trademark gimmicks: the pacing and jumping, the epic windmill chords, the jedi strumming (phrase coined by Andy Luten), and the guitar and amp smashing chaos. He also is pretty funny and engaging with his between-songs banter, the cheeky bloke that he is. He's an intelligent dude and his cleverness manifests itself in most everything he does.

Nothing summarizes his live aura better than this: at the bottom of his Wikipedia page, there is a related link to "Guitar Showmanship (redirected from Guitar Moves)". Townshend's name appears in the second sentence of the initial summary. People often use the phrase, "look up blahblah in the dictionary and you'll see fill-in-the-blank's picture", but look up "guitar showmanship" and you literally see Pete Townshend's picture. And not only does he have a section dedicated to him, but it is by far the largest section on the page. Here is a quote from that section: "At a show in Tacoma, Washington in 1989, he struck the guitar with such force he drove the guitar's tremolo bar through his hand and needed hospital treatment." He also has permanent hearing loss, due to a band performance on The Smothers Brothers when Keith Moon set off a bomb in the kick drum about 3 feet from Townshend's face (see video below). Watch all the way to the end. Notice what he does after the bomb goes off, instead of running backstage for medical help. This guy is hardcore. He makes Kurt Cobain and Jack White look like Hall and Oates.

The Who originally disbanded a few years after Keith Moon died. Townshend went on to have a solo career that isn't that noteworthy, except for the Top 10 hit "Let My Love Open the Door", and the fact that he once released an album called All the Best Cowboys Have Chinese Eyes.

His cultural impact has mostly been limited to his musical output. His wiki page says he's been "extensively involved in the literary world for over three decades", but I don't remember ever seeing on the Times Bestseller list, so I'll treat this as mostly arbirtrary. Politically, he's probably done a few things but there's only one that I care about. From Wikipedia again: "He refused to let Michael Moore use 'Won't Get Fooled Again' in Fahrenheit 9/11, saying that he watched Bowling for Columbine and wasn't convinced." This is the one instance in which something kinda political will cause me to add points.

There was that creepy incident in 2003 where he was cautioned by British police for a one-time visit to a website that contained child pornography. The police didn't arrest or charge him for anything, and Townshend admitted that he had been to the website for research purposes. Prior to that incident, he had done various charity projects for children and had vocally campaigned against child porn. The guy even used his own credit card to access the site, and I have to think he's not stupid enough to do that with perverse felonious intentions, so, reluctantly, I believe him. Unlike other unconvicted music stars of questionable decision making around children that may have previously been profiled in this blog, this incident was isolated and hasn't really affected his career at all. So I won't penalize him for it, but it was worth mentioning.

8.0

SINGER
It's ironic that he possesses a voice that's drastically soft compared to his explosive persona. He sounds like any normal guy who can kinda hold a tune. His voice has no power or depth to it, but he has a good ear and makes it work best as he can. (I feel like I just described myself, minus the explosive persona.) With The Who, he frequently performed backup vocal duties, and occasionally took the lead, usually for a short bridge section but sometimes a whole song.

I'll take this moment to recognize Daltrey, who for some reason has become vastly underrated for his contribution. He brought the power that Townshend envisioned when he wrote, but couldn't express with his own voice. His epic macho screams are probably the best in rock ever (see end of "Won't Get Fooled Again", all of "Love, Reign O'er Me"). And the unsung thing about him is that he regularly buried his ego for the sake of the band. It is rare that a lead singer would defer songwriting duties (and publishing credits) to another member and not get tired of that arrangement. The guy knew his role and knew the band was best that way. He performed his friend's songs with very believable conviction. And all the while, taking a backseat to at least two (and maybe all) of the other guys in spite of owning the role that is traditionally the "frontman".

The rhythm section was amazing as well. Entwistle was musical glue. He regularly dropped the sickest, coolest, blazingly fastest bass runs all in your face. He's regarded as one of the most technically proficient and influential bassists ever. Moon was excess and certifiable insanity, professionally and personally. His favorite hobby, besides drinking, was blowing up toilets in five-star hotels. And his drumming style is...exactly what you'd expect from a guy who regularly blows up hotel toilets. He's basically Animal from the Muppets. Also one of the best ever.

But yeah, Townshend...serviceable backup singer.

3.0

SONGWRITER
Most bands co-write their songs as a group or split the duties evenly amongst each other. Townshend was by far the main contributor to The Who's catalog. Entwistle was the next-most frequent writer, but most of his stuff is forgettable (I'd call "My Wife" his best). There are a few cases of a Daltrey or Moon addition, a few where band members share credit, and a few that were written by an outsider. But you won't find but one or two of those songs on a Who greatest hits package, and you probably weren't even aware of the songs' existence. So pretty much everything meaningful, recognizable, and (most importantly) extraordinary comes from Townshend.

He's a big fan of big narrative, as evidenced by the rock opera obsession. It's pretty ambitious and probably reaching a bit too far. The next rock star to submit a great movie script or work of literary prominence will be the first, as far as I know. (Apologies to astrophysicist Brian May and missile defense expert Skunk Baxter.) And with that in mind, I don't look at Townshend's stories through my most critical lenses. Tommy is very intriguing yet has some pretty wayward sidesteps, but that's enough for me. I'm not really interested in sitting through the whole thing, anyway. I'd rather just hit the highlights. Like how I only tune in for the battles when Lord of the Rings is on TV.

Townshend's writing is strong all over
. His 60's three-minute pop ditties are among the best from the Brit invasion. His 70's stuff's among the best of classic rock. "Eminence Front" from the post-Keith Moon era is unlike standard Who fare: instead of all grit it's all groove, and a supercool one. Even "Let My Love Open the Door" from his solo career is cream of the 80's cheesy hits crop (as testament to the strength of the writing, cover versions without the cornball original production are usually awesome. see Audio Adrenaline's version). Yet, in all of it, t
here is a quality that is uniquely Pete, like he's subtly embedded his fingerprint.

Lastly, I appreciate his knack for delivering the knockout lyric. Some of my favorites:

"I hope I die before I get old"
- "My Generation"

"Listening to you, I get the music"
- "Go to the Mirror"

"To win you, I'd stand naked, stoned, and stabbed
I'd call that a bargain, the best I ever had"
- "Bargain"

"Only love can make it rain/The way the beach is kissed by the sea"
- "Love, Reign O'er Me"

"Meet the new boss/Same as the old boss" (This whole song is just about the most dead-on political statement ever, to me. Who writes conservative libertarian rock songs!? Awesome.)
- "Won't Get Fooled Again"

7.5

INSTRUMENTALIST
He probably has the least talent of all the great lead guitarists of classic rock. In his prime, he could not do anything more with his fingers than most anybody who ever stuck with learning guitar for 2 or 3 years. He's surprisingly much better now, in his late 60's, than he ever was in his 20's or 30's. But I've probably seen 25+ players in bands around downtown Austin that can effortlessly play a more difficult solo than Townshend ever laid down.

His magic is in the rhythm guitar. It's much more animated than most of his peers. I think often, rhythm guitar is played like it's a chore, with no element of surprise or distinction. Townshend used it as an opportunity to color his songs, differentiate, and express himself.

His two main techniques are pronounced, aggressive picking and machine gun strum attacks. He has some very identifiable tendencies. He's extra-fond of suspending 2nd and 4th notes ("good notes" not found in the basic chord) and maybe or maybe not resolving them (the main verse riff of "Pinball Wizard" is one example, with resolutions). And he likes maintaining the same high notes throughout a chord progression, even though they won't naturally belong in some of the chords. It kind of creates an effect of stacking two different chords on top of each other. The most common way to do this is with open chords, a technique frequently found in country, folk, and worship music among other genres. Usually it's done for practical purposes: it's makes guitar playing much easier for novice players and it sounds pretty good. Townshend, though, employs it out of taste rather than necessity. He also was doing it years before it really became hackneyed.

He is also unique amongst his peers for downplaying the importance of lead guitar. He focused instead on thriving at rhythm, with decent bluesy leads interspersed. Even the solos he did play are typically rhythmic in nature: full-forced strumming and simultaneously using multiple strings, often doing chord-play fills instead of speedy singular picking. The Edge of U2 would also take these ideas and run with them in the 80's, influencing generations of Christian guitarists, but Townshend was the original rhythm lead player.

This thing is getting dangerously long, so I'll shortly add here that he also did some really cool stuff in the recording studio. Broke new ground with synths for sure. Almost 40 years later and still nobody has done it better.

8.0

WEIGHTED MUSICAL OUTPUT
Early on, in the Brit invasion years, The Who hadn't quite found their niche yet. They sound too much like the other bands of that era, but are still a cut above thanks to the ever-present Townshend songwriting. They did put out some tremendous tracks back then (like debut single "I Can't Explain"). Then they hit their stride, breaking off a pretty amazing run of albums (all the aforementioned ones). By the way, on the playlist made for One-Disc judgement, I include almost all of Who's Next, even some outtake bonus tracks from the sessions. In their final years, the albums get a little weaker, but there are still standout tracks. "Who Are You", "You Better You Bet", and "Eminence Front" being some noteworthy ones.

Top 2%ers
"A Quick One, While He's Away" (Live at Leeds version) - The precursor to the rock opera, it's an 9 minute epic that's really six little songs telling one cohesive story. It's about a lonely girl who cheats on her boyfriend (maybe husband) while he is on extended leave. When he comes home, she confesses, and in the climax he forgives her to the tune of classic Townshend chord ripping. I think the song is incredible in its own right, but its stature with me is boosted even further due to association with the movie Rushmore (the montage of Max Fischer and Herman Blume's vengeance war). This song is historically significant because it laid the conceptual groundwork for their three best albums (all conceived from the rock opera idea). The studio version is alright but the preserved live recordings are much more fierce and inspired performances. Live at Leeds and The Rolling Stones' Rock and Roll Circus versions are the two I prefer.

"Baba O'Reilly" - Here, Pete did something that the following 30 years of music history would have you believe is impossible: built a hard rock song around a synthesizer without castrating it. Then, for icing on the cake, he decided to conclude it with an Irish fiddle jig. As if to say, "That's right, I start with synth and end with fiddle, and this is still gonna be one of the most badass rock songs ever. Now go get your shine box."

Worst Offenses
I'm going to say here, because I have to say it somewhere, that Limp Bizkit's cover of "Behind Blue Eyes" is one of the greatest atrocities in recorded history. I don't mean that like "history of recorded music", I mean it like "all of history that has been kept by man". That's not Townshend's fault, unless he greenlit their efforts to record it. If I find out that he pulled a Jimmy Page/Puff Daddy with this, I'm going to come back to this post and do some grade-doctoring. Like Ferris Bueller, but the exact opposite. So I got that off my chest.

One-Disc Wonder?
No. I clocked the setlist at 22 songs, 1.8 hours. A disc and change. I was being ridiculously stingy about song selections, too.

In actuality, The Who deserve at least an 8.0 from me in this category. But this is the most subjective area, and here is where I will deduct some points from Pete. Because in this area, the rest of the band's impact is incalculably huge. All three other members are too integral, and present throughout his career (unlike, say, Quincy Jones for MJ). I can hold Pete solely accountable for how he sings, how he plays, how he writes, but I have to factor in the other guys here. So that explains the lowered score.

5.0

DGI SCORE: 6.3

Desmondo Greatness Index: Bruce Springsteen

2010-02-06T16:47:00.043-06:00

An in-depth look at the most guilty culprit for bad white people dancing this side of Kevin Bacon.

ENTERTAINER
He's been firmly established with the baby boomer demographic for decades. The 20-somethings I know seem to be about 50/50 on him, with opinions ranging from "he's the greatest ever!" to "I can't stand him", and everything in between. I fall somewhere between the former and the middle ground.

He burst onto the national scene in 1975 when Born to Run was released, appearing on the cover of Time and Newsweek in the same week. He was hailed as "the next Dylan" and "the savior of rock and roll", but then disappeared in three years of legal dispute with his record label. When he reemerged, he put out three solid records to considerable commercial success, before blowing up like a jihad in 1984 with Born in the U.S.A., which sold 30 million copies. In the 25 years since, he's done much to maintain but little to expand his stature and legacy with the general public.

I've seen him live twice. Both times were after he turned 50, yet he was one of the best performers I've witnessed. About 3 hours straight of relentless energy and showmanship. The element of surprise is always in play at his concerts. Unlike the regimented show schedule that comes with dance and video and lighting choreography, the E Street Band can and will play anything off the cuff at Bruce's cue. I swear they must have 500 songs in their repertoire that can be summoned at a moment's notice. I have no idea how he remembers all the lyrics to that many songs.

He hasn't done much in the way of extracurricular career activities, though he did have a cameo in High Fidelity. He's been a vocal political activist, especially lately. I think I could let it slide to a certain point, since his music has always been grounded in working-class experiences and narratives. It's kind of an extension of his persona. But he has a tendency to get a little preachy and sensational with his views, which annoys me regardless of stance. So I'm docking him a little bit for it. This is not the kind of entertainment I look to him for. I could watch O'Reilly or Olbermann if I wanted that kind of stuff (and I don't).

7.5

SINGER
I've heard a few people say derogatory things about his vocals, but I actually think he does a good job. He's kind of a chameleon with his style shifting. He's excellent at folk, good at rock, and passable at soul for a white guy. His falsetto is pretty bad but he tries his heart out, and it can become haunting in the right setting (those sparse acoustic albums). Live, it sounds like he's pushing his voice to the limit on pretty much every song, in a good way. He certainly doesn't have the greatest timbre, but he is one of those voices that grows on you, and then feels like home once you're accustomed to it.

6.5

SONGWRITER
He's been steadily prolific at it for 40 years now. As with most who can crank out songs like McDonalds makes Big Macs, there are plenty of highs and plenty of lows. He's got sole writing credits for every song on all his studio albums, except the Pete Seeger tribute record and three songs co-written on the forgettable Human Touch. He's written some hits for other artists. His only #1 song was the Manfred Mann version of "Blinded by the Light". He also co-wrote Patti Smith's hit "Because the Night". He won an Oscar in '93 for "Streets of Philadelphia" and got robbed of another one last year when "The Wrestler" was snubbed in favor of some piece of crap gimmick song from Slumdog Millionaire.

Lyrically, he's grade A+ when he's at the top of his game, though he doesn't usually reside there. "Thunder Road", "The River", and "Brilliant Disguise" are among his masterpieces. He can be a brilliant storyteller. He often creates memorable characters and develops them as a song unfolds. His most identifiable theme is the American dream, and he's written it from every angle. Restless youth, naive hope, bitterness of reality, frustration with social injustices, idealistic love, broken admission of failure in marriage, post-9/11 heartache, etc.

Musically, he's kept it pretty straightforward. He actually showed the most complexity early on, but pretty much abandoned it by Born to Run in favor of familiar and comfortable arrangements. His melodies are often strong, but rarely unique, and sometimes cliche or arbitrary. Like Tom Petty, he's done a great job of making the same formula seem fresh for a long time. But while there may one day be college courses taught on his lyrics, there won't be any about the music.

8.0

INSTRUMENTALIST
He's adequate at the guitar and piano. He's totally in command when solely accompanying himself with either. Early in his career, he laid down some really cool electric guitar parts ("Kitty's Back", "Candy's Room", "The E Street Shuffle"), but he hasn't featured lead guitar much since the beginning of the 80's. Live, he's definitely the worst lead player of the three E Street guitarists, but he puts by far the most soul and aggression into his sloppy notes. Some might actually call him the best because of that. His playing isn't groundbreaking or influential in any way, it's just solid accompaniment for the songs, which are usually the true focal point.

6.0

WEIGHTED MUSICAL OUTPUT
One of the great things about his career is that some of his most overlooked spots contain some of his best achievements. I personally prefer his second album (The Wild, the Innocent, and the E Street Shuffle) to anything else he's ever done. And while Tunnel of Love was a commercial letdown after his mid-80s arena rocking superstardom, I prefer its personal struggling and candid honesty to the fist-pumping feel-good sound of Born in the U.S.A. (which isn't as feel-good as it sounds anyway). In the last decade, he's reunited his band and put out 5 albums of new material. The Rising is by far the best of it, but there are a few worthy additions to his career highlights on all of them. Which isn't to say the albums are that stellar, but it's impressive that a guy pushing 60 who has written and released well over 200 songs still has a few good ones left in him. It's rare in the music world.

Top 2%ers
"Rosalita" - It's over 7 minutes long, and functions like a mini rock opera. In other words, it never drags its feet. On the contrary, it only revs up more as it develops and rarely retraces its tracks. It's full of playfulness and excitement, and serves as the culmination of all his pre-Born to Run raw talents.

"Thunder Road" - Lyrically superb. Unconventional song structure. Beautiful, quixotic, and desperate, it kicks off his seminal album quite perfectly. One of the best opening verses ever:
The screen door slams, Mary's dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch as the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey, that's me, and I want you only
Don't turn me home again, I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside, darling, you know just what I'm here for
So you're scared and you're thinking that maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty, but hey, you're alright
Oh, and that's alright with me

"Born to Run" - Maybe a little too obvious of a choice, but it's deserving.

Worst Offenses
Some would say the "Dancing in the Dark" music video, containing horrible white people dancing with teenage Courtney Cox, and they would be right (but I like the song). He's also written dozens of songs that I'd call redundant or forgettable or even bad, but none of them are truly awful. Except:

"Born in the U.S.A." - Punishingly repetitive. Synth hook never stops or changes. Drums never change. Can't stand to hear it. Often mistaken for a patriotic anthem when it's actually a lament for war veterans. It's probably his most well-known song and that's a damn shame.

One-Disc Wonder?
No. His playlist was 2 hours long, and that's after I cut at least 10 or 12 songs that I initially wanted to keep. I am left with 29 songs that have endeared themselves to me, and stand out as special or noteworthy for one reason or another.

8.0

DGI SCORE: 7.2 (That's right. Higher than Michael Jackson. Deal with it.)

Desmondo Greatness Index: Michael Jackson

2010-02-06T16:46:00.026-06:00

Profiling the eccentric glove-sporting former phenom who died last year. Not Mark "The Bird" Fidrych. The other one. Since many would consider him one of the favorites, I'll kick this whole project off by eulogizing him in the best way I know how: cynical and hypercritical evaluation of his career achievements.

ENTERTAINER

As far as the all-time biggest pop/rock stars go, he's maybe #1 and no lower than #2. A tremendous performer from the beginning. He was a national sensation by age 9, and like few child stars do, delivered on his potential in adulthood. Released the best-selling album ever, with over twice as many copies sold as the next highest. Worldwide, the 2nd-best selling solo artist ever. King of Pop, moonwalker, glove-wearer, crotch-grabber (I'm talking about his own right now), chimpanzee owner.

MJ earned the power to do things any way he wanted, and he usually went all-out. His live megatours were more dance, lighting and effects extravaganzas than concerts. He didn't just make the most expensive music videos (though he holds that record for "Scream"), he made them 10+ minute short films and got famous directors to shoot them. He started the whole Super Bowl halftime show superstar concert trend. He played Scarecrow in The Wiz (see above). He starred in a video game where his character fights off thugs to rescue little girls, all to the tune of a MIDI soundtrack of his hit songs (this is how I first heard "Billie Jean"). He did a Disney 3-D ride sci-fi movie with Francis Ford Coppola. He ruined Free Willy. He undoubtedly has one of the beefiest resumes imaginable for this category. There's only one guy I can think of who compares.

I'm going to dock him a point for some pretty weird personal drama - obviously the child molester allegations as well as being an all-around freak show. You could argue that some of the "Wacko Jacko" allure made him more entertaining, but this stuff most certainly disrupted his opportunity to rule the music world for a little bit longer. Or maybe it's an inevitable product of that kind of success. I dunno.

9.0

SINGER

I grant him a lot of credit for doing a bunch of pretty unique, weird stuff and totally selling it over. You know, all those noises: "Nah!", "Hee-hee!", "Ooooooooow!", "Whoooooooooooo", and of course his megahit 11-minute music video, "Dat dit da did-da, dat didda die". Hear somebody emulate any one of those sounds, and it's instantly indentifiable with MJ.

He was a tremendous singer all around, though. Some of the best singer friends I have, who'd know way better than me, obsess over his abilities. I've seen plenty of live footage and never heard him miss a note.

9.0

SONGWRITER

He performed exclusively other writers' material as a Jackson 5 member and early in his solo career. Then he wrote a couple tunes for Off The Wall, got it up to about half of Thriller, and wrote or co-wrote almost everything on Bad and Dangerous. He was ambitious enough to want to do this as he corralled more control of his career, and I have respect for that. It's not the safe thing to do. And he wound up authoring some of his best stuff.

I'm impressed with the natural rhythm within his melodies, which are always very catchy. Lyrically, it's whatever. I guess it's no better or worse than your average pop drivel. Mostly he says nothing of consequence, but sometimes he tells a good story. No better example than "Billie Jean".

Some notable songs he wrote: "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough", "Billie Jean", "Beat It", "Bad", "Smooth Criminal"

6.5

INSTRUMENTALIST

And here we've uncovered the King of Pop's kryptonite. To the best of my knowledge, he didn't play much, if any, instruments on his recordings (except simple rhythm type stuff) or his live shows. But he did participate heavily in the producing and arranging. Somebody correct me if I'm wrong.

3.0

WEIGHTED MUSICAL OUTPUT

I'd describe myself as a casual fan of MJ's work at best. The Jackson 5 era can be summed up in about 3 songs. Most of Off The Wall doesn't appeal to me because it's soaked in disco. I like a lot about Thriller, and a few songs on Bad. Nothing after that is worthwhile. Overall, most of his songs are cheesy or extremely dated or both, and it's much more often annoying than charming.

Top 2%ers

"I Want You Back" (Jackson 5)- A killer hook, great energy, supertight band, and possibly the greatest bass groove ever. All kinds of awesome. The composition and the band are the real stars of this song, but Michael's pre-pubescent voice fits in perfectly, and it's an amazing performance from a little kid. One of the best Motown songs.

"Billie Jean" - The moonwalk song and the Billboard #1 on my birth date. Pretty much represents the epitome of every good thing about his solo career.

Worst Offenses

"I'll Be There" (Jackson 5) - Sappy song all around. A calculated attempt to tug at America's heartstrings by the adults who were exploiting him at the time, people who probably had a significant role in his metamorphosis into a loon. And call me heartless for nitpicking the mispronunciation of a 12-year old, but the first line in the song drives me crazy. "You and I must make a pack/We must bring salvation back". What are we, going camping or something?

"P.Y.T." - I actually think this song is pretty good. But, in retrospect, most creepily ominous lyric ever? "I want to love you/Pretty young thing". This song should've been titled "A Cry For Help".

One-Disc Wonder?

Yes. Definitely. I'm hard-pressed to make it to 60 minutes of essential material, never mind 80.

6.0

DGI SCORE: 6.7

Greatest Modern Musician: Laying the Ground Rules

2010-02-06T16:36:00.021-06:00

I can't think of a better way to commence the blog than to dive head-first into some controversial musical self-debate. So I'm going to do that by attempting to systematically determine who is the greatest musician of modern times (1940-present).

THE PREMISE

A friend recently posed the question, and also set the basic criteria, with emphasis on finding best all-around qualifier. His three considerations were: Entertainer, Singer, Songwriter. I'm going to use those, but also add Instrumentalist and Weighted Musical Output into the mix. I've decided to make a kind of scorecard, the Desmondo Greatness Index (DGI), for the noteworthy contenders, and break them down one-by-one.

WHO'S ELIGIBLE?

Pretty much any popular artist since 1940. I'm going to focus on profiling the ones who have serious clout in at least 4 of the 5 categories.

WHO'S NOT?

People who spent a significant portion of their prime as a member of a band, and were not the primary songwriter. This is going to exclude both Lennon and McCartney from consideration. Don't freak out on me. In the Beatles, they both hugely benefited from having the other around for criticism and collaboration (to say nothing of the other guys involved). And judged only by their solo careers, neither John nor Paul garners serious contention for the title of Greatest. I realize I'm setting a double standard here, since pretty much all great artists have had trusted advisors, producers, and band members that shaped their stuff. But I've gotta find somewhere to clearly draw the line, and "band or no band" is it. This also painfully excludes some of my favorites: Sting, Peter Gabriel, Donald Fagen. However, those who were part of a group but carried the whole songwriting load are eligible in this regard: Paul Simon, Pete Townshend, etc.

Lack of longevity is a dealbreaker. I'm going to omit the likes of Hendrix and Cobain on account of their short careers. This also rules out any relatively new acts, say, from the last 10 years or so. Though, I can't think of anybody that recent who qualifies anyway.

I'm going to ignore some genres, like Jazz or Classical, because I'm not that knowledgeable about them. So forgive me, Thelonius Monk fan. I like the music a lot, but I would just come off sounding like a moron.

SCORING

I'll make my biased, judgmental assessments of how each artist fares in the 5 categories. Points will be given on a 1 to 10 scale. At the end of the post, I'll average them out for a DGI score, which will be the final say. Though I'm certain I know who the winner will be, I haven't predetermined any of it. I'm just gonna write the posts and score the candidates, and see how it turns out. A better explanation of the criteria:

ENTERTAINER

This category will be the most flexible. I've never seen most of these performers in person, but I'll try to fairly judge their live experience based on what I've read and some YouTube clips. Records sold, popularity, cultural impact and such will all be relevant. Whether they broke into other realms of entertainment successfully, too. Highly-publicized personal life episodes may find their place here. Crazy can cost them points, or maybe gain points in some cases (see: Sly Stone).

SINGER

Vocal quality, style, delivery, range (notes and genre), influence, etc.

SONGWRITER

Sheer volume at a sustained level of excellence is mainly what I'm looking for. Also want to see a strong portion of an artist's popular or greatest songs that were self-written. Sole writing credit is worth more than co-writing. Maybe some delving into lyrics, themes, melodies, or harmonies within individual songs.

INSTRUMENTALIST

Were they skilled at their instrument(s)? Did they do something new, unique, or significant? Did they play well live? Did they lay down great tracks in the studio? Did they produce or arrange well? This is the category I have the most legitimate claim to knowing something about.

WEIGHTED MUSICAL OUTPUT

The most subjective element to the equation. It's my personal opinion on just how great their catalog and contributions are. Again, a sustained level of excellence is huge. Some special consideration will be given in these subcategories:

Top 2%ers - I have an OCD-esque system of rating songs in my iTunes library. I always keep an eye on the total number of songs in it, and limit myself to ascribing 5 Stars to no more than 2% of the total library. Thus, the Top 2% designation does not refer to a percent of all songs ever, but a percent of my favorite songs. The point is to be super-stingy with scoring, so that a top grade means something. There are currently 63 songs that make up the Top 2%. These are the all-time, cream-of-the-crop, hugecrazyepic, bestest songs ever, according to me. And for this artist critique/competition, they are like the last game of the season for a Heisman candidate. A few big scores could make all the difference if everything else is equal on paper.

Worst Offenses - These are the bottom of the creative barrel. The track that makes you embarrassed to own the record. The experiment gone awry. The attempt to be cutting-edge that turns out sounding desperate and pathetic. The lyrical disaster that makes Anakin and Padme sound like Romeo and Juliet. If the Top 2% is like Mark Ingram vs. Florida, then this could be like Colt McCoy vs. Nebraska. Depending on the severity, just one of these could knock a legit contender down to the rung of the ladder where Wayne Newton sits.

One Disc Wonder? - Could I burn all of the artist's essential material onto one 80-minute CD (obsolete technology, I know). Hopefully not. More than 2 discs is rarefied air. For the sake of certainty, I'll make myself a playlist on iTunes or Grooveshark for each artist.

Note: a perfect score in this category is pretty much impossible. I'd probably give Led Zeppelin a 9.5, even if I was to "forget" about Coda. Again, the point is to be picky. It's lame when a critic gives out A's like they're Pluckers coupons.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I've intentionally designed this scoring system to be both simple and flawed. Mostly because it's kind of pathetic how much time I'm spending on it already. And also because I'm judging all this on my own biases. You will probably totally disagree with more than a few things I write. Even if I could design some genius scoring metric, it would still be completely arbitrary because at the end it's only unqualified, over-opinionated me giving out the grades.

So, the purposes of this are to to have fun, incite debate, and hopefully not ramble too much. If you've already read this far, God bless you, you must really love me. I'll start throwing up posts about individual artists in the near future. I have a pretty good list of contenders, but if you want to nominate a particular artist worthy of consideration, please leave a comment.

About Desmondo

2010-02-06T16:11:00.009-06:00

I created this blog as a place to empty the thoughts that rattle around in my head. My name is actually Hunter, and if you're reading this, you probably already know me. I'm not sure what type of stuff I'll feel like writing about yet, but probably some hodgepodge of music, movies, sports, and miscellany. General disclaimer: I have no legitimate claim to expertise in anything I talk about.

If the blog title confuses you, here's the Academy Award-winning inspiration.